marriage

According to counseling service Relate, one in four divorcees regrets their split. But would you remarry your ex? For some, the very idea will seem impossible — but for others, it is a secret longing they can hardly admit even to themselves. Here, we meet three ‘boomerang couples’, who divorced then married again. Their stories will surprise — and enchant — you. Victoria Craig, 66, runs a knitwear company and lives with her husband Nicholas, 67, a retired solicitor, in Corbridge, Northumberland. The couple, who have three grown-up sons, first wed in November 1972. They split in May 1995 and divorced in 1999. But in August this year, they remarried. So happy: Victoria and Nicholas Craig divorced in 1999 but remarried in August, delighted to grow old together. Victoria says: My second marriage to Nicholas could not be more different from our first. Our relationship is deeper, we are much more appreciative of one another and we never take each other for granted. I think we both realize how lucky we are to be given this second chance. I was 22 and Nicholas was 23 when we first met at a friend’s wedding in 1969. I was working in the House of Commons as a research assistant and Nicholas was training to be a solicitor. He was dark-haired, with twinkling eyes. He had such a clever way with words and he made me laugh. That night at the wedding, we talked until the early hours, and a couple of weeks later he rang to ask me out. When I was 25 and Nicholas proposed, I had no doubts that he was ‘the one’. We married four months later. As the day approached, I became incredibly nervous as it was a very formal ‘society’ wedding held at my parents’ mansion in Wiltshire with 300 guests. We moved to Northumberland 18 months later so Nicholas could take over the family business after his father died. It was exciting setting up home together, and there was no sign of the unhappiness to come. When we were together we argued and there were interminable silences. I began to feel there must be more to life. Our first son, Richard, was born in 1976 and Edward came a year later. George was born five years after that. We had a very happy but busy life with a huge six-bedroom house, complete with ten acres, as well my own business. But around 12 years into our 23-year marriage, we began to grow apart. Nicholas was very busy with his business, which involved a lot of travel to the Far East. Without Skype or emails it was hard to keep in touch, and I had no family nearby or a nanny to help, so I felt a little abandoned. We were both young, and rather than try to support one another — as we would do now — we both just felt unhappy. When we were together, we argued, and there were also the interminable silences. I began to feel there must be more to life. Eventually, in January 1995, I packed a bag and just left, moving into a rented cottage nearby. Nicholas was shocked — I don’t think he realized how unhappy I was. He wanted to try again, but by then the children were either at boarding school or university and my mind was made up. It became pretty acrimonious because he wouldn’t accept that I wasn’t coming back. Following our divorce in 1999, we only spoke through lawyers. In the meantime, I married again. But this marriage ended after just 18 months when I discovered he was having an affair. I was utterly shattered to find myself with two failed marriages. It made me realize the grass is not always greener, and for the first time, I wondered if I’d been happier with Nicholas than I’d realized. The big day: They married in 1972 in their 20s at home in Northumberland. But 20 years later Victoria left. It wasn’t until 2002 when my twin sister Eugenie fell seriously ill with progressive supranuclear palsy — the neurological disease that killed actor Dudley Moore— that Nicholas and I got back together. Seeing me struggling, Edward had taken it upon himself to ring Nicholas and ask him to help support me. Nicholas took me out to lunch in a pub, and although it was at least seven years since I’d spoken to him, there was no awkwardness. It was a huge relief to have him back in my life. He’d never met anyone else and was happy to be a shoulder to cry on. When I’d been with Eugenie all day, he’d be there waiting with a meal at the end of it. She died in 2007 and he was my absolute rock as I grieved. I saw a caring side to Nicholas I hadn't seen when we were younger. Age had mellowed him. He was my absolute rock as I grieved for my sister. A year later, Nicholas had a knee operation and I nursed him. As our lives became more entwined, it was like old times. Then I broke my leg and it seemed easier for me to move in with him so that he could nurse me. I saw a caring side to Nicholas I hadn’t seen when we were younger. Age had mellowed him, and moving back in with him felt like coming home for good. My husband is very conventional and traditional and kept saying we should marry again — but I worried that it might spoil the new relationship we had together. But then, in July this year, he had a mini-stroke. Visiting him in hospital, seeing him so vulnerable and realizing that I could lose realizing, I suddenly knew how much I loved him and said I would. Our second wedding at Hexham register office was wonderful — a really close family affair with our sons and some close friends. After everything, those vows took on a special extra resonance. Today, it is wonderful to know we are growing older together — and it’s a bonus visiting our sons and grandchildren as a couple. Nicholas says: When Victoria left me, I was devastated. I thought we’d built this wonderful life together and we had three gorgeous sons. Thought we'd built this wonderful life together. But I realized I'd spent most of our marriage working and not giving her enough attention. I felt angry with her when she married again. But I realized I’d spent most of our marriage working and not giving her enough attention. I threw myself into my work, even more, filling up my spare time with the children. In hindsight, I am probably just a one-woman man because I simply never had a serious relationship with anyone else. But I never thought we’d ever manage to overcome what had happened and get back together. Nevertheless, when our son Edward rang to tell me about her sister’s illness, I was delighted to help. We never actually dated, but our relationship gradually developed as we got to know one another again. Now, like Victoria, I feel just so incredibly thankful that we have rediscovered one another. Ollie Holmes, 76, a former catering manager, lives with her husband Wills, 79, a retired engineer, in Tamworth, Staffs. They first wed on Christmas Eve 1955 and had two children, but divorced in 1965. They were remarried in August this year. Goosebumps: Ollie Holmes says her heart lurched when she met Wills again at a family wedding. Ollie says: I was just 14 when I met Wills at a birthday party, but there was an immediate spark between us and we began dating. Three years later, on Christmas Eve 1954, he presented me with a beautiful diamond ring — and a year later we had a church wedding. With hindsight, I was simply too young to settle down. I was 18 and wanted to be out with my friends. Wills, who had been in the Army, wanted us to be a family and he’d get angry when I stayed out late. At a friend’s wedding, when I was aged 23, I met Carl, a mutual friend, and began an affair with him. I now know Wills suspected it for a while but hoped it would fizzle out, and that’s why he never said anything. We had our son Scott when I was 24 and then went on to have our daughter, Lisa. With hindsight, I was simply too young to settle down. I was 18 and wanted to be out with my friends. Wills got angry when I stayed out late. But when Lisa was six months old — and despite Wills begging me to stay — I left him for Carl. He seemed more outgoing and exciting, whereas Wills was always very steady and kind. I went on to have four more children with Carl. We married in 1983 and were very happy. Meanwhile, Wills met someone else and then, after she died, he married again. We always remained on amicable terms because of our two children. Three years ago, Carl died from a heart problem. I was devastated and dreaded the thought of spending the rest of my life alone. A year later, my youngest daughter called to tell me Wills’ wife had died. At the time I thought she said Wills had died, and I was shocked by how devastated I felt. I was so relieved when I realized my mistake. I’d always had feelings for him but I never thought he’d have me back. However, Lisa, now 49, invited Wills to a family do last year and we came face-to-face for the first time in eight years. My heart lurched. He looked older yet ultimately the same, with those lovely kind eyes. We sat in the conservatory talking for hours and when we were on our own Wills gave me a big kiss. It felt so right. I heard one of the grandchildren shouting: ‘Grandad’s kissing Grandma.’ That was wonderful! First attempt: They were first married at their home near Tamworth in 1955 and then re-married in 2013. That night he stayed over, and despite the fact that 58 years had passed since our first meeting, it was like being transported back to when we first met. He ended up staying a fortnight, before putting his house up for sale and moving in. Six months later, he got down on one knee. ‘I have always loved you,’ he said. ‘Let’s get married again!’ He proposed with my original ring, which I’d given to Lisa as a present and she had returned it to her dad when she knew he wanted to propose. I was delighted to get married. I know it sounds silly, but a few weeks earlier we’d gone to a hotel together and I’d hated checking in as an unmarried couple. I wanted the commitment of marriage and a ring. We had a beautiful ceremony at a hotel in Tamworth with a party for 100 guests. We walked down the aisle to Barry White’s My First, My Last, My Everything. It seemed very apt. We feel incredibly lucky to have found love together again. Our marriage is so different emotionally — because I now see the kindness in Wills that I didn’t appreciate before. Wills says: When I first saw Ollie at the family party, I thought: ‘Wow!’ She looked fantastic, and as we chatted, it really took me back to those days when we first met all those years ago as teenagers. Although we were now in our 70s, everything felt the same. When I kissed her, it came from my heart. I never imagined that we’d be able to put the past behind us and get back together. But now, the past really doesn’t matter — we are just looking forward to our future together. Bar managers Joani Cook, 42, and husband Paul, 43, live in Newcastle upon Tyne with their son Jordan, 17. The couple first wed in July 1993 but divorced nine years later in September 2002. In July 2009, they married again. Besotted: Joani and Paul Cook, from Newcastle, now spend more time laughing than arguing Joani says: I was 19 when I met Paul in a local pub and it was a case of opposites attract. I’m 5ft 1in and he’s 6ft 2in, so he towers over me. But personality-wise, we are both outgoing and I loved his sense of humor. We fell in love, and within two months had moved into a two-bedroom flat, enjoying golf, going out to restaurants and the cinema. Six years later, we had a big wedding in Cyprus with 300 guests. I’d never been happier: I knew he was the one. We were both thrilled when Jordan was born in March 1996. But being new parents was so tough. Although Paul worked extra hours to make a living, we struggled financially. Paul felt pushed out because I was busy looking after our baby, while I resented the fact I seemed on my own so much. If he went out with friends, we’d inevitably row. Looking back, I felt angry that I was doing the chores. Being new parents was so tough. Although Paul worked extra hours to make a living, we struggled financially. And he felt pushed out as I was busy looking after our baby. By the time Jordan was four, it seemed as if we were hardly talking. And when we did speak, we’d end up having another row. Any little thing could spark it off. One day, when Jordan was five-and-a-half, Paul and I had a row about him coming home late for a second time that week. I decided I’d had enough and said I wanted to leave. Paul was upset and wanted us to try Relate, but I didn’t want to talk to a stranger about our problems. My mind was made up. I had been unhappy for at least six months and I wanted out. I regret now that we didn’t have the maturity to work through our problems. I took Jordan and went to live with my mum, five minutes’ drive away. Within six months, Paul had filed for divorce. I thought I’d be happier single but I wasn’t. I tried going out with friends, but my heart wasn’t in it. If I did meet someone, I’d always end up comparing them unfavorably with Paul, so I never even dated anyone else at the time we were apart. When Paul came to pick up Jordan, he’d often stay for a cup of tea and we’d both find ourselves chatting. I’d forgotten how much we enjoyed one another’s company and I found myself falling in love with him again. So when, in March 2004, Paul said he missed me and wanted to try again, I was delighted. We kissed and it brought back all those old feelings of longing I’d forgotten. Back then: The Cooks said their vows in 1993. It didn't work. But in March 2008, Joani proposed. We began seeing one another but we didn’t tell anyone, not even Jordan, because we wanted to be sure of our relationship first. However, when I took Paul to my sister’s wedding in October 2004, everyone guessed. Four weeks before Christmas, I moved into his three-bedroom house. Jordan was delighted. In March 2008, I proposed! One night, I said: ‘Why don’t we get married again?’ — and we decided to marry on the same date as our first wedding. Living together just wouldn’t have felt right. This time, we had a much smaller register office ceremony with seven guests and I wore a simple white dress — but it was just as special as our first wedding 16 years ago. Our second marriage is different. We talk through any worries in our relationship rather than letting them fester, like before. Today, we really appreciate one another. Paul says: The second time around, our relationship is so much more precious. Even after we divorced, deep down I still had feelings for her. When we met up to chat about our son, I still felt that spark was there between us. Certainly, life now is much more peaceful. We’re more likely to laugh than to row over something small. We’ve learned from the pitfalls of before and don’t let small disagreements get out of hand. I was delighted when Joani proposed. Even after we divorced, deep down I still had feelings for her, and when we used to meet up to chat about Jordan, I still felt that spark was there between us. It’s wonderful to be a whole family again. Credits: dailymail.co.uk

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