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With the right partner, life is one long vacation. Sure, you have your share of fights and tears and misunderstandings, but laughing it all away is the key to a long-lasting marriage. And who knows this better than Red Skelton?
His take on marriage was completely unique and hilarious. It’s a pity the new generation doesn’t get a taste of his pure, unadulterated humor. Lucky you folks who actually saw him entertain and perform. But, worry not. Here’s a nostalgic ride through time with Red Skelton’s funniest quips.
1. “Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.”
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2. “We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.”
![](https://staging.doyouremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/2-37.jpg)
3. “I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”
![](https://staging.doyouremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/14e7304a4ac333c7e37871bceb18c5d7.jpg)
4. “I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said… ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ So I suggested the kitchen.”
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5. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.”
![](https://staging.doyouremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Annex-Skelton-Red-I-Dood-It_01.jpg)
6. “She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. She said ‘There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!’ So I bought her an electric chair.”
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7. “My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, ‘In the lake.'”
![](https://staging.doyouremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/59-288.jpg)
8. “She got a mud-pack, and look great for two days. Then the mud fell off.”
![](https://staging.doyouremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/589e03277cca1.image_.jpg)
9. “She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, ‘Am I too late for the garbage?’ The driver said, ‘No, jump in!’”
Red Skelton
10. “Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.”
![](https://staging.doyouremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Red_Skelton_and_family_circa_1957.jpg)
11. “I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.”
![](https://staging.doyouremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/RedSkelton_Show2516_ScreenGrab_01070008.jpg)
12. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.”
![](https://staging.doyouremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/796d5bfff39e3a68c52088ab0b5fe357-red-skelton.jpg)
13. “The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, ‘What’s on the TV?’ I said, ‘Dust!’”
![](https://staging.doyouremember.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/57d9b1941300002a0039c09e.jpeg)
Aren’t we missing out on humor of this kind? Next time you find yourself in a marital brawl, just remember one of these lines from Red Skelton and laugh it off!
Credits: thisisgoodgood.com