41. Texas
Let’s get the mantra out of the way right now: Everything is bigger in Texas.
For instance, drinking until you don’t know who you are anymore is big in Texas. And attempting to operate a gun when you have no idea what you’re doing is big in Texas as well. As long as you have an arsenal of guns, it doesn’t matter if you know how to use them or not. You’re safe and no one can ever question your Americanness, ever.
42. Utah
Utahans, they’re gonna ask you. So instead of getting all huffy when you answer, have fun with it.
Why yes, I am a Mormon. Just wait right here while I bring one of my five wives over here to greet you. She’s the voice of the rest. Once they pick up on your sarcasm, feel free to dole out the education they sorely lack. Or just skip right to that part if you are feeling particularly testy. Or just ignore them altogether, since you can afford to be selective about whom you acknowledge since people make the same stale Mormon jokes at you a minimum of 100 times daily.
43. Vermont
Don’t mind those Vermonters. They’re still waiting for the day Canada absorbs them whole.
In the meantime, they will be in the country reveling in their New England charm, chugging maple syrup by the gallon. Then they’ll throw a pool party and invite all the goats and livestock they know.
44. Virginia
Outsiders may find themselves asking: what are they teaching those children in those schools?
And Virginians will respond: “Only the essentials, of course. Now try a sip of this moonshine and shut up.”
45. Washington
It’s true: it rains in Washington. A lot.
In Seattle, dodging the rain is a classic pastime. And don’t be caught dead with an umbrella. Umbrellas are for wimps.
46. Washington, D.C.
Not technically a state but it’s the capital and where “the magic happens.” Its politically-obsessed denizens are thought to be addicted to news and think they know their stuff.
Just stick a quarter in us, and you’ll get a randomly-generated political rant.
47. West Virginia
Feel free to make your West Virginian jokes. These topics are fair game: their dental hygiene, their lack of education, their lackluster infrastructure, etc.
Do not even think about broaching these subjects: the quality of the farms and the animals that live there. It also might not be a good idea to make fun of anyone’s sibling with all the sensitivity to incest jokes.
48. Arizona
You come to the Grand Canyon and some stunning views of cacti, sand dunes, and sun-bathing reptiles. They stay because—they really like deserts and sweating their rear ends off when the rest of the country is enjoying a white Christmas.
Nothing like miles and miles of the scorching sun. But hey, it’s considered a victory if you take a bite of anything without getting a mouthful of sand, right?
49. Wisconsin
In Wisconsin, your food and beverage options are limited.
But don’t worry. The locals never get sick of cheese and beer, and you won’t either. If you do, kindly get out.
50. Maryland
Think you’ve escaped the crustacean commotion of Maine by retreating to Maryland? Boy, do we have some bad news for you.
But hey, if you still can’t stomach the thought of eating a bug from the sea: drench it in butter, sprinkle on some Old Bay, close your eyes, and imagine it’s a very chewy chicken tender.
51. Wyoming
Simply put, everyone is a cowboy.
And Wyomingites won’t let you forget it. So come down to the saloon, swing open the wooden doors, and shout “Yee-haw!” Because there’s surely nothing else to do here.
Credits: icepop.com
Did you agree with this list? SHARE it with your friends!